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The Importance of Saying NO - and what it has to do with weight loss
by Michael Bens
Geneen Roth is also interested in examining the psychological causes behind weight gain. One of them, which applies especially to women, is an inability to say no to things that we dont really want to do. Women, says Roth, are conditioned to be agreeable. We are loathe to decline social invitations, or propositions from men. We take on more work than we should, both at home and in the workplace. And we do it because we have the idea that its somehow not nice to say no.
One of the reasons why women gain weight, then, is so that the weight gain itself will somehow say no for us. Being overweight or obese is one way to make sure you dont get unwanted advances from men, for example. Being overweight and a woman in todays world is a good way of being invisible - overweight women dont get nearly as much attention when they are out in public, and they are likely to dress in colors that make them look all but invisible. If you find it hard to say no, its likely that youre letting your weight speak for you.
Why else, Roth argues, would we feel compelled to eat compulsively in a way that is likely to cause weight gain? We engage in behaviors that are adaptive, not maladaptive, as a rule. If being overweight is the way that we have of feeling safe, thats likely what we will do, because everyone needs to feel safe. Putting on pounds is actually a way in which your subconscious tries to take care of you, to meet your needs, to allow you to say no (or take away the necessity).
Unfortunately, gaining a lot of weight, like smoking or drinking, is also a self-destructive behavior. As everyone knows, being very overweight is detrimental to your health. You are more likely to suffer from one of a whole range of health problems if you are overweight. These also extend to psychological problems, because despite what the behavior is saying, no one really wants to be overweight. All of us want, deep down, to be happy and healthy, and to form healthy relationships with a wide variety of people.
So, to stop falling into this trap, learning to say no loud and clear is a great basic tool. Say no to invitations, propositions, pick-ups, and requests - unless, of course, you really want to say yes. Many women feel that they arent being nice or nurturing by saying no. Actually, saying no can be a great way of nurturing yourself, which is something you need to do in order to really be able to help anyone else. There is an old saying that you cant water a garden with an empty watering can. In order to be of service to others in you your family, or to help out a friend, or serve your community or workplace, you must first of all be willing to take care of yourself. Saying no when you mean no is a great start. It wont solve all your problems, of course, but its a simple step that takes you closer to caring for yourself.
On a basic level, saying no buys you some time. On a deeper level, it helps you establish a stronger sense of self and a knowledge of what your needs really are. All of these are steps to a healthier outlook, which includes maintaining a healthy weight.
Authored by Michael Bens. For more great information on weight loss, diets, nutrition, and living a great healthy life style visit Gabae Weight Loss
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